We have two winners, this week. It was a tie. There were many good responses, but these two amused the most:

What grumps on four feet in the morning, two feet during the day, and three feet in the evening?

and

"Of course it's alright to use it for target practice, mon ami! A few cannon balls could only improve *that* face, non?"
 

I also think the one that suggested the Washington Monument as a scratching post deserves an honorable mention.